Tuesday 31 October 2017

Fresher’s Fever: behind the curtain of euphoria

Emma writes about how being a Fresher isn't necessarily carefree and the best time of your life, and reassures readers that if you're struggling to settle into uni, you won't be the only one who feels this way.

- Emma Wilson


Insecurity.

Low self-esteem.

Perceived rejection.

These are the feelings that are seemingly hidden behind the mask of Fresher’s fever.

University can be the best time of your life. It is a chance to make long-lasting friendships, learn from professors who are experts in their subject area, and experience the big wide world outside of the family home.

But there is another side to starting university, one that isn’t glamourised in the news or spoken about during sixth-form. And that is dealing with the emotions, thoughts and feelings that arise when dealing with a new environment. This is most apparent in the first few weeks of university, when social events take place and friendships are being formed.

Amidst the haze and whirlwind of Fresher’s week and your first few months at university, it may get to the point where you start to wonder: am I fitting in? Why are those girls hanging out but haven’t invited me? Why do I feel lonely when last night I felt on top of the world? I didn’t go to clubbing last night, will I now be an outsider? Have I missed out?

Let me tell you this. How you feel is how most people feel when starting university. Seriously. It is only in hindsight and having spoken to university friends that I have learned just how terrified everyone feels during those first few weeks or months. It is amazing what persona people can put on during the quest for acceptance amongst one’s peers.

It is also important to gain some perspective about meeting new people. If you're lucky, you'll get on with your new flatmate as soon as you realise your mutual love for the Great British Bake Off. But more often than not, it can take a while to find a group of people that match your interests. 

It is important to remember this: friendships don’t form overnight – not those which will stand the test of time. These strong bonds develop over months or years. Just think about the friends you have from back home. Those who mean the most won’t leave your life. In fact, going to university or moving away is a real test of any friendship. Having graduated from university in 2013, I can see this now. I ended up becoming good friends with people from outside of my course; those I hadn’t even met until the second term, or even the second year of university. People come and go in our lives. It’s important to be surrounded by people who inspire you, who drive you forward – who make you feel good about who you are.

My final piece of advice is this: enjoy the start of your university adventure. It is an experience like no other. But try to remember who you are. It’s good to step outside your comfort zone, but don’t go beyond your limits – respect yourself, and others will respect you. Don’t worry about being called the “boring one” for not taking 10 shots of tequila. And don’t feel like you don’t deserve to join your flatmates on a trip to Nando’s just because you never received that text message – it’s nothing personal, things just get a little hectic. And if these doubts start to creep into your mind, don’t fret. Chances are, most people are feeling the same.


If you are finding the start of university tough, we have more information about tips for settling in, missing home, and ways of looking after yourself on the Student Minds website here and information about finding support here


Hi everyone, I'm Emma. I graduated from King's College London in 2013 and completed an MSc in 2016. I struggled with different mental and physical health problems whilst at university and am keen to share some of the things that did, and didn't, help in my recovery. I now write, train and consult in the field of mental health and you can find me on Twitter (@MindfulEm).







Assignment 1: Accepting Me

Charlotte discusses her experience with grief and ongoing anxiety regarding her decision to change university course.

-       Charlotte Stevenson


When my granddad passed away from cancer, I was 17 years old. It was incredibly hard - not only had I always felt closest to him, but I had also been caring for him. The weeks which followed are a blur of grief, and my brain seems to have erased much of what happened. This is largely because at the same time, I was also learning to cope with my own anxiety and panic disorder.

Grief and anxiety are difficult to handle together. At first, both seemed entirely out of control; whenever I managed to control one, the other would rear its ugly head. For a long time, I tried to ignore it all and get on with life as ‘normal’ - which back then meant giving all my attention to A level's and not really listening to my brain. Instead of allowing myself the time and space I needed to process everything, I threw myself into schoolwork and extra-curriculars. While these things mattered to me, they didn't distract from my larger problems. If anything, I now realise that it was merely to create the illusion that I was fine.

Until this point, I had spent most of my life preparing to be a classical singer. This dream had led me to sing with choirs and orchestras all over Europe, audition for elite conservatoires, and take extra exams to prove my vocal ability. However, the high-pressure environment of classical singing isn't for everyone. When I began a conservatoire course after A levels, I was excited! But upon arrival, I found that all my hard work, even at my ideal school, wasn’t a time machine that could take me back to my former self. In fact, throughout my entire time at music college, I felt like a failure; nothing made sense and I didn’t feel like I belonged. I decided to try moving home to complete the first year of my course.

Once I returned home, I told my mum everything. I had been incredibly worried because I didn't want to upset or disappoint her after everything we went through with granddad. But once I had told her (and we both spent that evening crying) I felt massive relief - now it was out loud, it was real. I had acknowledged anxiety for the first time. After that moment, which was a long time in the making, I was then able to learn how to care of myself and my mental health properly. I started speaking about it more, balancing my workload, and generally putting myself first. It isn't easy, and still isn’t 100% natural, but I’m gradually adjusting.

The most important step I made towards self-care was re-applying to university for a subject I love: English Literature. When you train for music all your life, it’s very easy to put on a pair of blinkers, thinking it’s your only possible future, but there were always other subjects that I enjoyed studying. In fact, now I want to learn everything I can in my lifetime. Getting accepted to my dream literature course was another confusing milestone. While I was over the moon, I also thought that I had let my granddad down. Before he passed away, he made my mum promise that I wouldn't give up music. I spoke to mum, and she said that while it was hard, I had made the right decision for myself and my own happiness - which is all that granddad would have wanted. She was right - studying English quite literally saved my life.

If there is one thing that I hope you take from this, it’s that putting yourself first and talking about your problems – especially when it’s difficult – is the best way to take care of your mental health. Too often, because it’s not physical, we call the problem 'imaginary'. But you would seek help for a broken leg, and it's the same for your brain. Telling someone you trust can be the first step to recovery - not straightaway, but gradually. It might not seem so now but I can promise you, reaching out does make a difference.


Hi, I'm Charlotte and I'm a student at York St. John University. My ambition is to be a writer, and I have worked on projects with UCAS, the Guardian, and the Travel Pocket Guide. Writing about anxiety, how I have dealt with it, and the importance of putting mental health first, is some of the most important work I have yet produced, which is why writing for Student Minds matters so much to me.



Monday 30 October 2017

Resources for overcoming Mental Health Difficulties

Michael shares his go-to resources for mental health difficulties.


- Michael Rigby

There are so many resources that will help you get back up after being knocked down. However, we don’t always realise this… we tend to think we have nothing that can help us. I’ve probably asked myself more than a thousand times: “how do I get back up from this?” I even have a couple of falls to this day, but that’s just part of the rebuilding process. Here is a list of resources that could help:

1: Family/Friends- These are the key people who will always be there for you, whether you’re at your best or your worst. Never forget to show your appreciation for these people: you only get one set of parents, and friends can be just like family. I’m not saying that all friends will be there for you at your moment of weakness,  but re-evaluate your group of friends you have and think about the ones who are there for you as much as you are there for them. Those people will help you, and you will probably find that you’re helping them as well.

2: Physical Activity- I understand not everyone likes this subject. However, it’s proven that exercising daily for at least 30 minutes to an hour will improve your mental health as well as your physical health. Also, it can be a massive stress-reliever. You can’t beat the feeling of putting on headphones and blocking out this stressful world for an hour.

3: YouTube- I’ve managed to find many motivational videos that have been put together by professionals. Honestly, I think they are brilliant. My personal favourite: “Unbroken by Mateusz M”, a video that includes inspirational lines from motivational speakers Les Brown and Eric Thomas, and the late Louis Zamperini and Steve Jobs.

4: The background of your role models- Many people tend to think that big names have had it easy and are lucky to be where they are in life. However, that’s not always the case. These people are also human, just like the rest of us, and you’ll find that these individuals share our stories in some way. I personally think autobiographies are very engaging reads and you’ll get an insight into what life was like before ‘success’. At the moment, I’m reading the autobiography of the well known comedian Kevin Hart. Personally, I think the story is fantastic. To see somebody fight and crawl to make it to the big time inspires me. He’s not the only person to have had a difficult life before fame. Therefore, think of one of your role-models and go and read their story.

You’ll find that everyone has a story, but what matters is how you choose to write the next chapter. These people were just like us… the only difference is that they’re making their story the best it can possibly be. You could say “they’re true success stories” which is true. However, they’re also just people who didn’t let hard times defeat them; that’s the true success of their stories.

We all know these times are difficult. However, we have to keep going. Nothing that is dragging you down should be allowed to defeat you or define who you are as a person. You’re not weak, you’re not a quitter, you’re one of the strongest people in the world. Only the very few can relate to how hard it is to battle with your mind everyday. You will overcome this… you just have to KEEP FIGHTING!



Hi, I'm Michael Rigby and I study Sports Business and Broadcasting at UCFB Wembley. I have experienced mental illness, including depression and social anxiety, since the age of 14.



Thursday 19 October 2017

Always Be Your Biggest Inspiration

Tazmin gives advice on how to define, and follow through with, your goals at uni.

- Tazmin Pye

A couple of mornings ago, I woke up for work and got ready. Whilst sat in the car, about to be on my way, I noticed a Facebook notification pop up saying ‘you have memories’, so I had a look and realised that three years ago I started university.

Now, having finished, I have really been missing university and the lifestyle it offers, especially after entering the adult world. I wasn’t quite ready to leave, but I don’t think many of us were.
It caused me to feel incredibly nostalgic about who I was at the time, what I’ve been through, and the ups and downs I experienced at university.

I found it so interesting that someone who misses university greatly, who speaks so highly of their experience there, was absolutely determined to leave while there. My depression and anxiety really took their toll on me, to the point where the only thing I thought was going to help would be dropping out. How glad I am that I didn’t.

Why did I want to leave?

I felt depressed. I felt low. I felt vulnerable and lonely. I struggled with social situations. I thought it wasn’t for me.

Why didn’t I leave? What stopped me from going?

Myself.

I found a letter that I wrote to myself when I was starting therapy back home in Birmingham. I remembered how much worse off I was emotionally. I remembered how I decided to use my anxiety and depression to motivate me, rather than cause me to hide away. In that letter, I told myself that I would get through the pain I was in at the time, I would get into a university of my choosing to study film production, and that I would be great at it.

I sat back and realised ‘Wait, I’m here right now. I’ve achieved everything I wanted to at the time of writing that letter. Now let’s create new achievements. New goals. New aspirations. Write myself a new letter, a new promise to myself’.

They were:

  • Try and enjoy the course I worked so hard to get onto. Enjoy it first, worry about it second.
  • Don’t fear people, but understand that your lifelong friends are out there somewhere and you need to go find them.
  • Have love for yourself. Go and find yourself and enjoy how different every day can be. Enjoy your growth, change and evolution as a person. 
  • Do not fear happiness, for it is your birthright.

And so I didn’t drop out. I took the wisdom I wrote to myself when I was in a lot more pain, and I powered through. I got a First in my degree. I met some incredible people who have impacted my life wonderfully. I did it!

It is so important to not listen to the bad things your mental illness may tell you, and to listen to your heart. Nothing should ever stop you from being what you want to be. In my case, all I wanted to be at university was happy.

Perhaps if you have just started university, sit down and write a letter to yourself. Set a date to open it, or put it away and wait for it to come back and find you. You can be your biggest inspiration. See how much you grow.

Remember – happiness is our birthright.



Hey guys, it’s Tazmin. My journey suffering with severe depression and anxiety has been a difficult one; but I would not be who I am today had I not accepted my illness and worked to get better. I have just graduated from Sheffield Hallam University with a First in Film and Media Production, something which I thought I'd never do.  I’ve had my blog Awareness for two years and it has been so rewarding for me; I want my writing to help, inspire and touch people. I now wish to support and encourage anyone who is suffering through university with this blog. Happy reading! 
awarenessbytazmin.wordpress.com

Friday 6 October 2017

‘I’m so OCD’

People like to use the term 'OCD' as a character trait, but what does it really mean?
- Krishna

As someone who suffers from OCD, I don’t think that the phrase 'I'm so OCD' will ever stop making me feel like I’ve been slapped across the face. It doesn’t even make sense, I mean think about it.

But that phrase, along with so many others, even along with products that showcase OCD as a form of organization, have made my life so much more difficult.

I first understood that I had contamination OCD when I was at university. For a long time before I knew that I had OCD, my behaviours' were just a quirk. I remember being called ‘infection control’ and always being relied on for having hand sanitizer in my bag. With time, what started as a quirk grew into something much more consuming. By the second year of university this simple overuse of soap was an illness that had the ability to trap me in my own home.

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is cycle. It starts with an obsession (an intrusive, recurrent thought) which causes anxiety and severe discomfort. This is followed by an action which stops the anxiety. The issue is that the relief is short lived and the cycle starts all over again. For me this would focus on washing and cleanliness. I remember once having three showers straight after each other because of being near ‘contaminated things’ in my own home. It was exhausting.

At my worst it was a struggle to leave my home, I was unable to cook food and use a public bathroom? Forget about it! But there were also other things. Things that were more subtle. I would lie a lot to avoid certain social situations; I used food and alcohol as coping mechanisms (which when you are at university doesn’t always ring alarm bells) and my self esteem was basically non-existent. All of these things were interlinked. It wasn’t that I had OCD and I washed my hands a lot. It was that I had a debilitating illness that affected basically every aspect of my life.

But I think I was lucky. I had heard of OCD at some point in my life, which meant that I started to seek support when I realised that I couldn’t fix what was happening by myself. I also started campaigning and decided to use my experiences to try and raise awareness. I wanted to put the difficulty that I was going through to some good use. If I could help one person to understand what OCD really felt like or give someone the confidence to seek support themselves, then it felt like maybe all the pain was worthwhile. That it had a purpose.

Recovery was a long process. When something is so integrated into your life it takes a lot of work and time to change it. I often say ‘recovery’ because I view mental health on a spectrum. There isn’t ‘well’ and ‘unwell’ in my opinion. My recovery was about understanding and recognizing the harmful thoughts and behaviours’ that I had developed and challenging them. Forcing myself to face them until they no longer caused me pain or anxiety.

Imagine that - think of the one thing that you are the most terrified of in this world, then imagine having to face it every single day for prolonged periods of time until you are no longer scared of it. No it wasn’t easy, but it was perhaps the most beneficial and life-changing thing that I have ever done.

We should all be looking after our own mental health just as we would our physical health, because it isn’t an abnormality to experience a mental health difficulty and recovery isn't about never feeling down or unwell. I have experienced recovery but I still go through periods of difficulty. Times where I can feel the intrusive thoughts creeping back, manifesting themselves in different ways. When I notice that I am going through bottles of soap much quicker and using avoidance techniques again. The difference now is that I can notice it. I can see the signs and I know what I need to do to ensure that it doesn’t get worse.

I will forever feel frustrated when I hear phrases like ‘I’m so OCD’ because it trivialises something that impacted my life in such a consuming, challenging way. It isn’t a joke; it's very real for a lot of people. This OCD Awareness Week I want to continue to share that understanding.

The next time you hear someone joke about OCD, question it, ask them what it means. Then tell them what OCD actually is.

You could be helping someone like me who just needed to know that she had an illness, that it wasn’t her fault and that it could get better. And it did.

Want tips on understanding OCD or want to seek support? Visit OCD Action or Mind.


Hi I’m Krishna, the Design and Office Manager at Student Minds. I setup my first OCD awareness campaign back in 2013 which led me to the Student Minds group at Sheffield Hallam University. I then joined the Student Minds staff team in early 2016. As a graphic designer I am passionate about using design to raise understanding of mental health difficulties, inspire conversations around mental health and help to show people that they are not alone.

Wednesday 4 October 2017

Educating Myself on Myself: Embracing my Bisexuality at University

Eilidh shares her experience of being bisexual at university and her experience of coming out. 

- Eilidh Tyler Reid

I always found it difficult to admit to myself, never mind anyone else, that I was bisexual. Throughout my childhood I’d only ever (knowingly) met one person who wasn’t heterosexual, a friend of my mum’s; a tall, foreboding and wonderfully flamboyant gay man. Not exactly the broadest of experiences as a kid. As a teenager, I attended a Catholic all-girls school, typically rife with gossip, of which anyone who was openly LGBTQ+ was frequently the subject.

And so, I spent years ignoring my sexuality by only dating guys. I thought I could continue doing that forever, but holding back made me feel increasingly isolated, miserable and exhausted. I was method acting for so long that the emotional exertion became a drain on my mental wellbeing, and I began to shut myself off and become more and more uncomfortable in my own skin.

My first turning point came a year or so before I went to university when I finally came out to two of my friends who’d openly identified as lesbian and bisexual respectively. This was my first experience of feeling like I could connect and finally talk about sexuality in a safe space. As soon as the words left my mouth I felt a heavy sense of relief, as if I’d been holding my breath for a long time. It would be another while until I experienced that same weightlessness, at the end of year one of my degree.

Being at university is something entirely different from what came before, and a place where many of us feel like we can begin being more open about who we are. I was lucky enough to be a part of a university with a very active LGBTQ+ community. Through the LGBTQ+ society I could go to events that celebrated identities out with heteronormativity, a far cry from my high school experience! It was eye-opening, in the best way possible.

I didn’t fully come out until my penultimate year of study. A large part of that decision surprisingly came from the academic side when I came across an author called Katherine Mansfield. I loved her work so much that she ended up being the focal point of my dissertation. The other thing that I fervently admired about her was her unapologetic bisexuality.

I read about her earlier struggles with her identity, and later accounts of her proud adoration of her female partners. I recognised the gradual acceptance of one’s sexuality from my own ongoing development. The fact that my new heroine shared a similar internal battle inspired me to research further into writers who also identified as bisexual, and I was amazed and elated to find out that many of my favourite authors were the same as me. This literary sense of community coupled with the welcoming, safe environment offered by the LGBTQ+ students at university helped me to finally embrace who I was. I can now talk openly about my sexuality and stand up tall as I do so.

The most important part, I think, was that feeling of being a part of something bigger, no longer alien in one’s sexuality. Growing up without the knowledge and awareness of the LGBTQ+ community held me back for years, and I am here to say this: you are not alone. We are here. We are writers. We are artists. We are politicians. We are doctors. We are scientists. We are everything you can think of.

University is a wonderful resource not only for academic learning, but also a means of understanding and loving your identity. Make the most of your university’s LGBTQ+ society, talk and connect with other bisexual students, perhaps even do as I did and find out about how your academic passion correlates with your identity. Always remember that you are part of a community that cares about you and your mental wellbeing. Make the most of your time as a student to embrace your sexuality, I promise you that you won’t regret it. I certainly don’t.

If you'd like further support or information, you can find details for a range of services and organisations listed on our LGBTQ+ Resource Page.


Hello! I'm Eilidh, and I'm from Glasgow. I graduated last year from the University of St Andrews where I studied English Literature. I currently work for Waterstones. I am a passionate advocate for student wellbeing and the importance of mental health support in educational establishments.

5 simple ways to minimise anxiety when travelling abroad alone

Charlotte blogs about ways you can reduce anxiety during a year abroad. 

- Charlotte Day

More and more students are enrolling on university courses which include a year abroad – whether that’s a BA French and German, or an BSc Physics. Summer work in a foreign country is also gaining in popularity with jobs such as au pairing in Spain being just an online application away. Although visiting a foreign nation on your own can be a great way to see more of the world, improve foreign language skills, and aid personal development, it can be a pretty tough experience for those who suffer from anxiety. The prospect of finding yourself in a vulnerable, uncomfortable or compromising situation with no friends or family around us for reassurance can be all too daunting.

Here are 5 simple ways to help try to tackle those anxious feelings:

1. Spend some time researching your destination before you leave.

In the comfort of your own home, research the location where you will be staying. Finding out information such as where the local supermarket, cafés and police station are will help to minimise the uncertainty and stress of the first few days. Also, be sure to have a look over the local laws and customs of your destination to avoid getting into any difficult, yet avoidable, situations – some places have some laws that may seem rather odd to us!

2. Utilise the wonders that are FaceTime and Skype.

Being able to see and hear the familiar face of a friend or family member will certainly help to take your mind off any feelings of loneliness. Even if it’s just a quick 5-minute chat to someone when you’re feeling a bit low, it will likely put you in a positive mind set for the rest of the day.

3. Try not to be afraid of making new friends.

Wherever you’re visiting, there are likely to be other people your age there too. Although perhaps a little easier said than done, you could head to a local bar and try to strike up conversation with some locals. Do be careful if you’re going out alone, and follow the FCO’s recommendations for travelling alone at all times. You may even encounter somebody else visiting the area who is in the same situation as you – many people meet life-long friends whilst travelling! Plus, staying with a group of people makes you less vulnerable to danger than wandering around alone.

4. If you don’t speak the local language fluently, take a phrase book with you.

A phrase book is invaluable for most travellers and will certainly help tackle any anxiety about not being able to be understood. Most phrase books tell you how to pronounce the words and some also have pictures of amenities such as hospitals so you don’t even have to attempt to make yourself understood linguistically – you can just point at where you need directions to!

5. Get enough sleep!

The adrenaline of being in a foreign location can make you feel like you don’t need much sleep, but it’s so important to try to get at least 8 hours a night from day 1. Even if you feel jet-lagged for the first few days, try to adjust to the time zone and get into a regular sleep pattern – tiredness will intensify your stress levels. Take a good book with you to read before bed, it will calm you down and help send you to sleep.

Visiting new places on our own when you suffer from anxiety can be an intense experience, but these simple tricks will help you make the most out of your time away. Happy travelling!

For our Student Minds guide to a Year Abroad for yourself or a friend, click here.



Hey, I'm Charlotte and I'm a second year student at Univeristy College London. I'm writing for Student Minds to open up the conversation and raise awareness about mental health.


Tuesday 3 October 2017

Living at home during University

People always talk about what it’s like to move away for University and live in accommodation, but what about those of us who decide to live at home?


- Briony

People decide to live at home for several reasons such as family, mental health and financial reasons. For me I love my hometown and being around family. I’m close with my siblings and didn’t want to miss my niece and nephew growing up. I also knew I would save money and could keep my job.
But mainly, I experienced a lot of anxiety throughout school, and didn’t want University to be similar. Living at home was personally the right decision for me, as I knew I would be in comfortable surroundings and could take myself away from the Uni environment if I felt stressed. Also, how great is it to be able to cuddle your pet when you feel down?! I wouldn’t have my cat living in student accommodation!

Admittedly, I was nervous. Most of my friends were moving away and I was worried I wouldn’t make any friends to go to Freshers with or hang out with in the future. Just before University, I made sure to join all the Facebook groups and get involved. The most important part for me was finding out that there was a ‘Living at Home’ Society. They held a meet and greet before Freshers and I found an awesome group of friends who were also on my course, and who are still my closest friends now! Previously I had felt like I was the only person staying at home but joining the society made me realise that there are lots of people choosing to do it.

There is a downfall of not living on campus though and it’s that we can’t fall out of bed and land in our lecture. Therefore, it’s a good idea to work out how you will get there and back. My original plan was to drive to Uni, but I later found out that I was in the “Postcode Exclusion Zone” and wouldn’t be allowed to park there. Please check out if there are restrictions, and if there are, work out the buses. For me there is no bus that goes directly to campus, so I found the nearest bus stop and did a practice run before first semester. If you can drive, maybe find out if there’s anyone nearby who you can car share with. I’ve seen people do this which means they make friends whilst saving money!

People have told me in the past that I can’t have “the full Uni experience” living at home, but they couldn’t be more wrong. Why should I feel pressured to move away when I like my life where it is and I like the closest Uni to my home? Your experience is what you make of it. I get to be around friends and family outside of Uni, but also get to be involved in Uni social life. It’s the best of both worlds!

So, to conclude: make the decision that is right for you. Not what your friends think, not what your family think…do what you think. Consider the pros and cons of living at home versus moving away, and don’t feel pressured.

And if you’ve just started University living at home, you are not alone! Find out if there is a ‘Living at Home’ Society, and if not, why not form one? Post on Facebook groups for your University and see if you can form a chat with others. You will make friends throughout the year, in societies and on your course, and you will have the “full Uni experience!"



Hey! I am Briony and I am a second year Psychology undergraduate at University of the West of England (UWE). I wanted to write for Student Minds because I have had a strong interest in mental health since I was 13 and aspire to be a Counselling Psychologist. On the side, I write a beauty, alternative fashion, travel and mental health blog at www.sincerelybrionybea.blogspot.co.uk. 

Monday 2 October 2017

Hidden Away: Are you Okay?

Chelsea discusses the challenges of dealing with mental health and coming to terms with accepting help.

- Chelsea Shurland


I have contemplated many times about whether or not I should post this. It opens people up to my world and some of the painful things I have experienced, but I have decided the time is now. The time is now because I want to inspire others to get help and to also share their stories. The purpose of this blog is to encourage you to share your stories and to also show that I am just like you.

I first started experiencing terrible nightmares five years ago. I put it to the back of my mind and thought of it as just a stage that I would get over. No one sees your dreams so they do not know what terror you have experienced during the night. It is almost hidden and secretive; only seen through tired eyes or wry smiles throughout the day. This is like most mental illnesses. Some are more noticeable than others but for the most part people assume you are fine. That was the inspiration for the naming of this post (Hidden away: Are you Okay?) If you are physically unwell it is written across your face or perhaps all over your body with spots or lumps. On the other hand, most people are unable to spot mental health illnesses as it may be hidden away.

So let me continue with my experience… a couple of months ago, my dreams came back again. These dreams were flashbacks of abuse I experienced in my childhood. I was stuck in a rut of negative thinking, negative habits, thoughts spiralling out of control….the list is endless. However, I just put it to the back of mind until one day someone asked me if I was okay. ‘Are you okay?’ They asked. Then tears started streaming. It was then that I decided to seek some sort of help.

This was then followed by three and a half weeks off work whilst I tried to figure out what was wrong. Why couldn’t I just feel better mentally? Why was no one in my house noticing I was upset? Would people think I’m over reacting? Would people believe me? These were the questions I kept asking myself but I just couldn’t figure it out so I decided to go to my GP. I didn’t think he would be able to help but I just needed it and to my surprise, he signed me off work and referred me straight away to the wellbeing team. I felt a sigh of relief but still uncertainty, as I didn’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t know what to say to others or how they would receive the information. On my sick note it just said “depressive disorder”. I didn’t feel like going into details of why I was feeling the way I did, so I just said I was unwell.

I went for a whole week without anyone in my house noticing if I was okay which made me feel even more anxious to say how I was feeling. I just wanted someone to ask me “are you okay?” This is no way intended to attack my friends and family but rather to draw attention to how simple phrases such as “are you okay” can make a difference to someone’s day. Simple phrases like “are you okay?” or “have you had a good day?” can really make a difference in ALL situations. Without using these phrases in daily life, no one was able to notice that I was suffering silently like a large percentage of individuals with mental health difficulties do.

As a result of that, I just want to encourage those who are suffering silently or experiencing difficulties to take the step to get help. To those who are on the other side, be aware, be supportive and be patient. We all experience difficult times in our lives and one day you may need someone to say “are you okay?” This hasn’t been easy to do as I am quite a private person but nothing great ever comes from a comfort zone. I want to help others so I hope this helps you to be brave, get help and inspire others too.





Hi my name is Chelsea Shurland and I was born on the sunny island of Barbados. I am 23 years old and I am currently a student at City University London studying Counselling Psychology. I wanted to write for Student Minds as I have realised that one of my purposes in life is to inspire and help  others within the mental health sector.