#DearFresherMe: Eating disorder recovery, finding balance and self-compassion

In this blog, Ana reflects on the advice she’d give her younger self on starting university with a history of mental health difficulties and learning to thrive in a time of big change and transition. 

Moving to university having suffered from an eating disorder can seem an anxious and lonely prospect. Universities place a big emphasis on socialising, which inevitably includes eating and drinking. This terrified me before leaving home: what if my eating disorder stopped me from meeting new people and not being as social as I was expected to be? Making your own food can also be really hard. The newfound independence and responsibility makes it easy to revert into old habits, and the fear of people watching me eat or commenting on my food preferences all played a part in the nervous emotions I felt leaving home.

So, as I head into my final year, what would I say to my fresher self now?

First of all, everyone has their own thing going on. People aren’t really too bothered about your odd habits or irrational insecurities. Everyone is scared, everyone is anxious and everyone is probably in the same boat, having some sort of fear. In a kind of weird way, it’s nice to remember this because it can make you feel less alien, and less alone. So just trust yourself!

Secondly, and most importantly, I would tell myself to have fun. University is a once in a life time experience. There’s so much to learn, so take advantage of that. Keep busy, find new hobbies, meet new people, and soon enough, the fears you had leaving home won’t seem so scary. You’ll end up spending the holidays waiting to go back to your student city, back to your friends, and back to studying what you love!

Having said all that, there will be days where things are difficult, and you can feel lonely. It may seem like no one understands what’s going through your head. Sometimes you just want to stay in and have time to yourself or do something to unwind. This is totally normal, and Yoga and Meditation societies often have plenty of members keen to take a step back and enjoy some time to chill. 

No matter what you feel, there is always support and someone you can talk to. There will always be someone who ‘gets’ it, whether you final them in a mental health society or amongst your flatmates. The wellbeing departments at university also offer amazing support: they understand that university can be a fun but challenging time, and the big changes can continue to affect you even once you’ve settled in. Don’t be afraid to reach out. It’s normal to struggle sometimes, and as much as everyone else seems to be having fun, almost all of us will feel a bit blue at some point throughout the year. 

Finally, find the balance of you-time and having fun. They’re both as important as each other. Before you know it, you’ll be in your graduation gown thinking, where did the time go?!

I’m a third year Drama student at University of Exeter, and have loved my time at uni. There have been ups and downs but I wouldn’t change a thing. I am hoping to share my experience of my own mental health struggles in order to reassure someone moving to university that everything always works out!

How to Succeed at University with Autism

Eloise writes about the challenges of being at university with autism, and gives her advice on managing change, disclosure and making friends.

- Eloise Stark 

Approximately 3% of students in higher education are autistic. I am one of them, and have successfully navigated my way to a PhD - although not without challenges. Here, I share my advice for how to succeed at university when you are autistic. 

Change

Change is really hard for autistic students. Going to a new and unfamiliar city can be terribly daunting. Before I came to Oxford to study, I visited many times so that I became familiar with the city and the layout of the colleges, libraries, and departments. If it’s too far for you to travel, you can use Google Maps to navigate the city and work out routes between key places (accommodation, your department, the sports centre etc.) 

Give yourself credit for the extra energy expended while getting used to change. Take more rest breaks, and try not to do too much in one go. I find that change makes me a lot more anxious, so I compensate for that by spending more time in places where I can relax. 

Disclosure

A big question mark hangs over the decision to disclose your autism to the university, tutors, and friends. Many people who have not disclosed their autism express fear about the possibility of stigma or discrimination. Whilst this is a really valid fear, it is important to remember that the Equality Act (2010) asserts that it is unlawful for an educational institution to discriminate against anyone with autism, and you can complain if you feel you have been discriminated against. 

Declaring your autism to the university can open avenues to support. For example, you may be eligible for a specialist mentor provided by Disability Students’ Allowance (DSA). I have a mentor, and it helps to be able to chat to someone regularly about my course and experience of studying. You can also get specialist equipment from the DSA, such as mind-mapping software or a laptop. 

Disclosing your autism to friends is a personal decision, and you should never feel obliged to do anything that you’re not fully comfortable with. I prefer to get to know someone really well before I choose to tell them. The advantage of telling friends is that they can look out for you if you are in a situation that you find difficult, such as a party or a group seminar. 

Safe space on campus 

If you find the hubbub of campus stressful, you can always approach your university to ask them to provide a “safe space” for when anxiety is high and you need a low-stimulation environment to relax in. You might prefer to go to the library, or you may choose to ask for somewhere specific to be designated. Your university is obliged to make “reasonable adjustments” for students with disabilities. 

Making friends

Making friends is nerve-wracking for every student, including autistic students. My advice would be to join societies and sports clubs, to meet like-minded people. I’m a member of the Oxford University Walking Club, the Origami Society, and I also enjoy rowing, which allows me to socialise but in a more structured way. Don’t worry if you don’t click with the people living nearby – you will have plenty more opportunities to make friends, including with the people on your course. 

It is also important to remember that lots of students don’t like drinking alcohol or going on alcohol-fuelled nights out. For autistic students, the noise and bright flashing lights of a club can send us into sensory overload. If the people you live with are into this kind of thing, don’t feel pressure to join in if you don’t want to. 

See the positives

Many autistic students excel at university. Our focus, ability to spend hours working on things we find interesting, and attention to detail make us great scholars. Allow yourself to thrive and flourish. Celebrate every tiny victory. Find your “tribe” – like-minded others who you get on with. And most importantly, if things aren’t going so well, please reach out for help because there is always a way around a problem. Good luck! 

Hi, my name is Eloise and I am a second year PhD student at Oxford University, studying at the intersection between Neuroscience and Psychiatry. I am passionate about mental health, reducing stigma and increasing empathy for people experiencing distress. 

Twitter: @eloiseastark / @HedoniaResearch 

#DearFresherMe: Loneliness at University

In this blog Trina talks about her experience with loneliness at university and reassures others who might be in a similar situation. 

-Trina

Before coming to university, I was surrounded by the idea that, "At university you will make your lifelong friends," and "university will be the best three years of your life." I'm sure this is a common expectation for people starting at University. My high expectations were soon crushed as I started life in Leeds. I began to see groups begin to form - groups that I wasn't part of. I wasn't sure if it was my reluctance to put myself “out there,” or if I just hadn't met the right people yet. My anxiety made me feel too awkward to socialise sober, and even with my lovely flatmates I felt disconnected to everyone. I visited home often due to having a large group of friends back there. I sort of ignored the loneliness I felt when I was back at uni because I knew that my friends would be waiting for me back at home, ready to pick up as if I'd never moved away.

I did have friends at university, but no one close that I could just chill with sober, doing nothing and no one that I could message about anything but my uni work. My friends at home kept telling me, "you've not been there long. It takes time to get close to people." But it was hard listening to them when everyone else seemed so close and happy.

It wasn't long until I realised that a lot of other people were in a similar situation to me. Friendships take a while to grow and my impatience and overthinking obviously didn't help as I continued to feel hopeless about my social situation at uni. At the end of my first semester, a group had begun to form with me in it; yet I still felt like an outsider tagging along. It wasn't until I came back after Christmas that I started to feel like more of the group. I decided to stop going home every weekend and instead socialise more with this new group at uni. It was difficult, and I do still feel lonely a lot there but I'm feeling more positive knowing that everyday my friendships are growing and becoming closer and stronger.

My advice to people starting at University is not to worry if you haven't made "best friends" in the first few months - it will happen in time. Remember that everyone is in the same position and most people will get lonely at some point, but it will pass, and you will meet so many amazing people.

I am a 20-year-old mental health blogger and Film-making student from Manchester. I love writing and have a passion for helping others. You can read more of my work at www.happyandhealing.co.uk 

#DearFresherMe: First Year Expectations vs. Reality

Lucy reflects on her experience at university and describes how the expectations that Freshers face can compare with reality.

- Lucy

#DearFresherMe,

If you’re reading this, it’s highly likely that your first days at university are within close reach or perhaps they have even already begun. Are you feeling excited? That's expected! Are you feeling a little nervous? That's totally normal! Are you absolutely terrified and beginning to feel unsure of your decision? That's also very common too! Hopefully this post can help you realise that you won't be the only one experiencing these mixed emotions.

"University will be the best years of your life" is probably a phrase you’ll have heard over and over again since you received confirmation that you’re going to uni. Whilst this can feel very encouraging, it can also feel incredibly daunting as it creates expectations and pressures that you may end up finding difficult to meet.

For some people, university can actually be the most challenging and difficult years of their life. So, repeatedly hearing this particular phrase can lead them to feel isolated, alone and disappointed in themselves as their experiences don’t seem to be matching the ‘picture-perfect’ experience that university is made out to be.

It's very important to remember that if this is how you feel, you're not alone. Many other students are feeling the exact same way! So, whilst this phrase may turn out true for many students, it’s worth noting it is also far from the truth for many others. Try not to let the pressures and expectations cloud your vision or make you feel bad about the experiences you do have; your university experience is going to be completely personal to you. University isn't always going to be a smooth ride and it's totally normal for it to be a rocky road instead.

It’s okay to be scared. It's okay to miss home. It's okay to feel a little out of your depth.

The first few weeks or even months of University can be very tough for many people. Due to the high expectations of it being nothing but absolute joy and excitement, it can make dealing with the difficult times a lot harder to cope with, especially alone. 

Remember, being away from home for the first time is a big change, and not something anyone expects you to find easy. It’s okay to be scared and to miss home. It's totally normal to feel out of your depth and unsure whether you are even going to stick it out. It’s completely fine to cry and to want to call your parents whenever you want and need to. 

Being open with others about how you feel is probably going to make you feel so much better in the long run. Express your feelings rather than try and push them away because it's completely normal to be feeling the way that you are.

Everyone else around me is having the best time but I'm not feeling it. What's wrong with me?

Nothing! Nothing is wrong with you at all. I can guarantee that you are not the only one who isn't having the best time. If you talk to those around you, there is a high chance that they will be going through the same thing too but feel too nervous to admit it themselves. 

Everyone is trying to live out the high expectations that have been set, that they may fear being open about how they really feel. If you take that first step and be honest with how you are feeling, you may end up helping some other people along the way.

Overall, university is an incredible experience, and one that for me personally was life-changing. However, this doesn't mean that every single aspect of it is going to be an easy ride. The experience will be different for every person, so it's important to focus on your own, without making comparisons to other people around you. Try to make the most of the good times but don't try and hide the hard times. Be open, speak about them and don't be afraid to admit when you're struggling.

You are never alone and there will always be someone who is going through a similar thing.

If you would like more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, click here.

Hello! I'm Lucy, a Clinical Psychology Masters student at Anglia Ruskin University! Through studying Psychology and experiencing life as a student, I have become incredibly passionate about mental health and helping to make a positive change. I have been volunteering for Student Minds for the past 2 years as a Peer Support Facilitator at my university and the Editor of the Student Minds blog. I also have my own blog to help spread awareness around mental health - https://lucyrebekah.wordpress.com/

#DearFresherMe: Making friends, switching courses and missing home

In this blog, Laura shares the advice she'd give her younger self about starting university and managing all the challenges along the way.

When it comes to friends, it’s about quality not quantity.

In the first few weeks everybody talks to everybody, but real friendships stand the test of time. Finding your tribe is a tricky process, so it’s okay if your first friends at university don’t last beyond the first term. It might take a while to meet your people, but at the end of the day true friendships bring out the best in you; a handful of close buddies will get you through far more than a thousand Facebook friends will.

Feeling lonely and homesick is much more common than people will have you believe.

I cannot stress this enough. No matter what people say, everyone will – at some point – miss their home or their mum or their dog or their bed. Going to university rips you out of your comfort zone and throws you in the deep end. It’s absolutely normal to miss your home life.

First year is unlikely to be the best year.

In a twist of fate, my final year was actually the best of them all. I truly loved the city, I knew campus like the back of my hand, and I lived with the most wonderful friends I could ask for. In comparison, my first year was extremely average: I was self-conscious and insecure; I missed my boyfriend from home; I was lonely and homesick; and I didn’t know how to talk to anyone about what I was feeling. Although I did have a lot of fun, and the newfound independence and freedom was exciting, it was also unsettling and for a lot of the time I didn’t feel all that good. This is normal. It takes a while to find your place, so don’t freak out if first year isn’t everything you hoped for.

You can change your mind about your course.

I began studying joint honours but dropped to single honours in my final year. One of my friends actually changed degrees twice. At eighteen, deciding what to study for the next three years, or more, of your life and potentially directing your career, is a big ask and not everyone gets it right the first time. Most universities allow students to change courses within the first few weeks, but if it gets beyond that, and you’re still not happy, talk to your tutors and they will help you. You’re investing a lot of time and money into your degree, so it’s important to study something you love.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

When it comes to social media, people are only putting out what they want you to see. So when it looks like someone is having the absolute time of their life, it’s easy to compare. You might start thinking that you aren’t having enough fun, or you haven’t made enough friends, or you’re the only one in the country who isn’t actually enjoying university, but I can assure you this is not the case. Take everything you see online with a pinch of salt; it’s just a snapshot of a life and things are rarely as hunky dory as they seem.

Look after your mental and physical health.

Above everything, this is the most important thing to remember. Do the really boring stuff like sign up to the GP and make sure you know what emotional support is available if needed. Most universities have counselling services, support groups and mental health advisers whose sole purpose is to support you; never be afraid to ask for help.

My name's Laura and I'm a postgraduate student at Bournemouth University. I'm writing for Student Minds to share my experience of mental health difficulties at university and to encourage others to reach out for support.

#DearFresherMe: 5 Tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing

Emily writes about the experience of starting University, and gives five tips on how to maintain mental wellbeing.

- Emily

Having finished my degree and graduated from Swansea University this summer, and having a younger brother preparing to return to Swansea for his second year, I have found myself feeling disappointed that I’m not one of those students either excitedly looking forward to going back to University, or anticipating starting University for the first time. 

If I could rewind the past five years and start my time at Swansea University all over again, I would. There are some things that I would definitely do differently, and there are some things that I wish I knew when I started University. 

1) Firstly, I would not try so hard to “fit in”. My thing has absolutely never been nights out involving alcohol and clubs and bars. In my first year, I paid so much money for a Freshers’ wristband and I only went to one event, which I ended up leaving almost as soon as I arrived because I had a panic attack. It wasn’t until I joined the Hogwarts society halfway during the first term that I really started to settle in a bit more, and make close friends. 

2) Secondly, if I could relive my entire University experience again, I would try to make more of my compulsory year abroad. Whilst I feel that my mental health difficulties prevented me from getting the most out of it, studying abroad is such a fantastic and valuable opportunity, so I would still definitely recommend it!

3) Thirdly, I would definitely get involved with Student Media opportunities a lot sooner than I did. Being involved with Swansea Student Media, especially the students’ newspaper – Waterfront – was something that I got so much out of and became extremely passionate about and just enjoyed it so very much. I would make the most of such opportunities and other volunteering or work experience opportunities. 

4) Fourthly, if I could do University again, I think I would focus on myself a lot more, in terms of relationships, my sexuality and discovering who I am. I spent too much time trying to impress people who perhaps, in hindsight, I definitely should not have been trying so hard to impress. Instead, I would try to love myself more.

5) Finally, I think I would tell myself to just focus on my own journey, my own degree, and my own experiences and to try not to worry about having to impress people whether it’s friends, family, colleagues etc.! Also, I would remind myself that it’s okay to change my mind about what I want to do after graduation! 

We go to University with our own priorities, looking to experience different things and some people struggle to adapt more than others do. One of the main things that I have taken from my University journey is that it’s perfectly okay to put myself first, and not worry so much about trying to fit in and impress other people.

You can find more support on starting university, and managing some of the challenges it brings, here. 

My name is Emily (Em). I have recently graduated from Swansea University with my BA degree in Modern Languages, Translation & Interpreting; I was also passionate about and dedicated to Swansea Student Media and the University students’ newspaper – Waterfront. I blog for Student Minds because I have experienced mental health issues as a student and now as a graduate, as well as other health issues, and I support friends who also have mental health difficulties. I am a passionate writer and writing has been important in my mental health experiences – both in helping me to explore and to cope with my mental health, as well as sharing my story in order to help others.

Disabled Student's Allowance for Mental Health

In this blog Carys shares her experience of applying for DSA for mental health reasons, to reassure those in a similar situation. 

-Carys

"I am so glad I sought support through Disabled Student’s Allowance (DSA). I didn't even realise that my mental illness is classed as a disability and I could get extra help with my degree. It's really worth applying – you have nothing to lose!"

It's important to note that mental illness affects people in different ways. In this blog I will share my experiences of the process and support I received but that doesn't mean it's going to be the same for you. Here's the story of my experiences with applying for DSA with Generalised Anxiety Disorder.

You can apply for DSA via Student Finance England when you also apply for your loans. You have to send some medical evidence. You will then be contacted to let you know if you are eligible for DSA. My medical evidence was outdated the first time, so Student Finance sent me a form in the post for my GP to fill in (for free). After I got my letter of eligibility, I was told to book a Needs Assessment at a centre near me. I go to Durham University but my nearest centre to my home address is Leeds Beckett University, so I headed there for my assessment. The assessment doesn't need to take place at your university. There is often a bit of a waiting list (surprise!).

The assessment itself is apparently the most difficult part of it all. I was terrified; I thought it was going to be like an exam, like I would have to prove to someone that I find it difficult to concentrate. I thought that there would be a chance of coming out the end of all this without being allowed any additional support because I wasn't ill enough or deserving of it. But this is certainly not the case: it is basically just a chat. It lasted 2 hours but I could have a break whenever I wanted to and the lady who did my assessment was so lovely. Also, if you've got to the point where you're attending a Needs Assessment it is because there is equipment that might be able to help you. The job of the assessor is to find what support you need and tailor it to your circumstances. So, you will not be leaving that assessment without any support for your studies. It’s just a case of where the support is needed. 

The first hour was dedicated to looking at how my mental illness impacts on my degree. We discussed how I am assessed (dissertation, exams, presentations, essays) and how that is difficult for me, how I am taught at university and how I take notes/research/read etc, and time management. I explained what support I already receive from my university's disability service. They also asked about travel to university and any accessibility issues I may have.

The second hour was dedicated to discussing any equipment that the needs assessor has identified that could be beneficial. A lot of my equipment, for example, is computer software, so my assessor took a look at my laptop (I was told to take my computer with me) and then showed me an example of the software in use on their computer. Everything is covered, and they write down anything extra that might be needed. For example, my laptop battery is terrible, so I am also getting a portable battery pack. Here is a list of just some of the support I will be getting this year:

• A reading software to help me with.... you guessed it... my reading. The main feature I'm looking forward to with this is being able to have information read aloud to me, so I can follow the text and focus on it more. 

• A mind-mapping software to help organise and link my ideas and research

• A note-taking software to allow any PowerPoint slides, my written notes and the lecture recordings to be stored in the same place. 

• A mentor to help me with things like stress and time management

It then takes the assessor a couple of weeks to write up the report of my needs and why this stuff has been recommended for me, as well as finding three price quotes from different external companies. The report then gets sent to me, my university's disability centre and Student Finance England. This is the point I am at now. 

It takes SFE a couple of weeks to then choose the quote they want to go with, and after they've done that they will contact you with their decision. I think it is then up to us to contact the chosen company to arrange a time for them to come and install everything onto my laptop/phone. As for things that are provided by DSA themselves, such as my mentor, I am hoping there will be more information in a future email about how to get that support set up. If you have any questions about DSA the best place to ask is your university's disability service. 

I’m Carys, a 4th year Modern Languages student at Durham University. I do lots of campaign work for mental health awareness with young people, and I am one of the blog editors for Student Minds this year! Check out my blog here and feel free to get in touch if you have any questions! 

Talk Club: asking for help

Michael writes about what the film Fight Club can teach us about mental health.

- Michael

Fighting Myself

For a long time, I found Uni really tough. It was definitely made tougher though, I see now, by my total reluctance to ask for help. I suffered in silence, spiralling into despair as I increasingly struggled to fight my own thoughts. I remember a concerned staff member speaking to me. They suggested that I should go to the counselling service. “There is no point going to counselling”, I told them dismissively. ‘It’s a waste of time’. “I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to do something!” This desire for action at times of difficulty is understandable and it can, of course, be very healthy to take appropriate action to change certain circumstances in your life if they are causing you excess stress and distress. But it can become damaging if, like me, this desire to do something stops you from wanting to face up to, and talk about, your feelings. Taking action is not the problem here – but viewing action as a ‘quick fix’ to our emotional problems can cause problems if it stops us from talking about them. By reflecting on the film Fight Club, I hope to show how destructive prioritising action over talking can be (especially for men) and why we shouldn’t be dismissive about asking for help.

Fighting the Expectations

I think men can be particularly susceptible to this view (due, in large part, to the emotionally repressive barriers to talking about feelings imposed by the ‘rules’ of masculinity – I have posted on this before). I certainly remember having some vague (and false) preconception that, when times are hard, women talk about it and men deal with it on their own. Research suggests that men are less likely to talk to a friend, family member or professional about their mental health, and are less likely to value, seek or access talking therapies than women - tending, instead, towards self-destructive and harmful behaviours (see www.menshealthforum.org.uk).

Fight Club

Fight Club, on the surface, seemed to suggest the perfect outlet to me; a form of therapy based solely on action and not talking (after all, the first rule of Fight Club is that ‘you do not talk about Fight Club’). For me, the film symbolised an easy way to express difficult emotions that was, at last, actually permitted, indeed encouraged, by the rules of masculinity. In the film, as in my own mind at the time, fight club was man therapy (contrasted with the supposedly futile and feminised talking therapies in the opening scenes). It was not necessarily that I wanted to fight (although there were times when I projected my internal fight onto external sources). It was more that I just wanted to do something, anything, to break out of and distract myself from my own thoughts, no matter how much pain it brought. In Fight Club, having fought, the character’s problems seem muted, insignificant even. They claim to feel better and more self-aware. But, as the group mutates into an anti-capitalist terrorist organisation, the film shows us how the therapy offered by fight club can be dangerous and illusionary. By the end, the two protagonists have morphed into an alter-ego fighting each other. Their fight is self-destructive. In the same way, by refusing to ask for help and trying to take action to fight my feelings on my own, I was only fighting myself.

Talk Club

After finally seeking professional help, I now have a different view of counselling and talking about feelings more generally. We shouldn’t dismiss talking as inferior to action, because talking is itself a form of action. By this, I mean that when I eventually did talk to someone, it opened up new positive actions that, trapped in my own self-destructive thought patterns, hadn’t occurred to me before. Talking (and indeed blog writing) helped me to (re)order my thoughts and reach a new understanding of the experiences that I was finding tough. Fight the stigma not yourself: speak out and ask for help.

About Michael:

Hi, I'm Michael. I'm a postgraduate student at Durham. I want to write for Student Minds to share my own experiences of depression and anxiety and tackle the stigma around mental health. Some useful links if you're looking for support: Nightline - Student Listening signposting service, who can help you on your way to finding support. Find your uni Nightline ​here HopeLineUK - phone service for young people, staffed by professionals T: 08000684141 E: ​pat@papyrus-uk.org

Counting down to the next academic year: managing the fear.

Emma writes about dealing with anxiety in the build up to the academic year, and how to face it when you finally return to university.

- Emma

As I write this post I am counting down the days until my third year at university begins. I took a year out after second year to do a placement after having had a tough time adjusting to uni life. Although I feel like there is more awareness around this topic now, when I first went off to university I was so excited to start a new chapter of my life: I hoped I’d become this vibrant, extroverted and more relaxed version of myself that I blamed A-Levels for hiding. Needless to say, this wasn’t the case. My first year of uni really wasn’t what I had expected and I felt like this was all my fault. I missed home a lot more than I thought I would and I found myself comparing my not-so-great experience with that of friends at other universities who seemed to be having the time of their lives.

Eventually, summer semester was over and I had a whole 3 months at home stretched out in front of me – I couldn’t have been happier. However, as September began to creep closer, I could feel myself becoming more and more scared at the prospect of going back to the life that I had managed to avoid for the past few months, a life filled with home-sickness, deadlines, stress and – worst of all – loneliness. 

It turned out that, although second year still wasn’t the amazing experience I was searching for, it was a lot better than I feared it would be. After all, the fear and anxiety at the anticipation of something is rarely ever as bad as the reality. 

This leads me to where I am at now: a new term is almost here once again and, although I am beginning to feel the dreaded final year nerves, I am in a much difference place to this time last year. So I want to share some key messages that have helped me out this time around, in thinking about the coming academic year.

1. Enjoy the present but don’t be afraid to plan ahead. 

As much as it can be tempting to bury your head in the sand for a few more weeks and pretend term-time isn’t approaching, it won’t help in the long run and it’ll only make you think about it even more. Be prepared. Write a couple of goals or things you want to achieve for the new academic year. Problem solve any potential barriers that might get in the way. I found going to the gym helpful when I was feeling down during first year, but I stopped when deadlines became too much. This year I plan to maintain going to the gym by setting up the habit before term actually starts and choosing a gym located on my way home from campus. 

2. Push yourself 

I know all too well that being in your comfort zone can seem like the best place to be when you’re not feeling yourself or if you’re missing home. Sometimes this can be helpful and wrapping yourself up in your blankets with a hot drink can be the best way to unwind after a tricky day, but don’t let this be an excuse! Often the best thing for yourself may be the thing you really don’t want to do. For example, going into the kitchen to have dinner with a flatmate or arranging to meet a friend after lectures. Doing the thing you don’t want to do (especially when it comes to socialising) will give you such a sense of achievement in yourself that it will beat any satisfaction from a night in watching Netflix. And it gets easier each time, I promise!

3. It’s okay not to be okay

University isn’t always the best time of your life and I’ve realised this through opening up to friends and educating myself about student wellbeing through sites such as Student Minds. If you’re not enjoying certain aspects of it, try to change them. If you can’t, also know that these things will pass and you just have to ride them out as best as you can. As cliché as it sounds, things do get better, you just have to be ready and waiting for when they do!

Hi everyone! I’m Emma and I study Psychology at King’s College London. I’m currently on a placement year working in the NHS – so (hopefully!) I can combine what I’ve learnt on placement with my experience as a student in my writing. I haven’t got much of a background in blogging/writing but I look forward to sharing my take on mental health and student life. I’m really excited to be able to contribute to the Student Minds blog as mental wellbeing is a topic I love to talk about and should never be overlooked!

#DearFresherMe: An Introvert's Guide to a Successful Fresher's Week

Abi shares her experiences of Fresher’s Week, gives advice and reassures others who may be feeling anxious for Fresher’s Week.

-Abi

Two years ago, I was so excited to be starting at university: I was enrolled on a course I was passionate about, in a city I had fallen in love with, and I couldn’t wait to start my new adventure. But, just like in every good story, there was an obstacle which I first had to overcome. For me, this was the dreaded Fresher’s Week.

Expectation:

I had seen all about it on social media: it was to be a constant state of drunkenness, obligatory going out clubbing every night, playing beer pong with rowdy lads in an unknown flat, bright disco lights and loud rap music belting out of the student hall windows, a lack of sleep: no escape from hardcore socialising for a good seven days straight. And God forbid if I didn’t partake; I would have no friends for the next four years. (N.B., I had never been to a pub in my life, let alone a house party or a nightclub. I didn’t even know what beer tasted like!) Given these preconceptions, it was no surprise really that the anxious introvert I am thought long and hard about whether I should even attend Fresher’s Week at all.

Reality:

Nevertheless, in the end, I did attend – out of “FOMO” (Fear Of Missing Out) more than anything else. But, believe it or not, I actually really enjoyed the week! To reassure all those pyjama-loving introverts out there, here’s a snapshot of what I got up to in my first week at university: movie evenings with my flatmates, cupcake baking sessions, walks by the quay, brunch at Boston Tea Party, trips to Wilko followed by flat-decorating sessions and, of course, a mug of mint tea and an early night – every night. I neither went out clubbing nor attended a flat party once, and yet I still managed to make some great friends.

This said I do admit to being lucky to have had such like-minded flatmates. So, if my experience alone doesn’t put your mind at ease, just remember that all student societies run fresher taster sessions and events during the first few weeks of uni. So, even if you don’t quite bond with your flat, don’t fret! There are plenty of other opportunities to meet people which don’t involve loud music, dancing and excessive drinking. Hence, whether you fancy a picnic with Harry Potter Society, a board games evening with Games Society, a Yoga Society taster session, or an orchestra taster rehearsal, I can guarantee that Fresher’s Week will have something for you. In fact, I was surprised at the number of people I met at said society tasters who shared my social anxieties and who have remained some of my best friends to this day.

Rest Assured:

So, if all that you’ve seen on social media is making you anxious about Fresher’s Week, here’s some reassurance from someone who’s lived to tell the tale:

• There are plenty of fellow anxious-introverts; you just have to know where to find them (hint: that’s probably not at a night club). Try a yoga taster session or a Coffee and Cake Society social.

• Don’t put yourself out of your comfort zone just to become friends with the first people you meet. Next week you’ll find more like-minded people on your course.

• Last but not least, whilst other people might be great at pretending they’re having the time of their life, the truth is that everyone will have their ups and downs in the first few weeks. So, don’t kid yourself into thinking you’re alone if you’re finding it hard. Moving away from home and meeting new people isn’t easy, especially if you have a sensitive mind. It’s okay not to be okay. Contact your University Well-being services; they’re there to help you during the difficult times.

I’m Abi, a third-year Modern Languages student at the University of Exeter. I wish to use what I've learnt from my mental health struggles to help other students, as well as to break down the stigma surrounding issues to make it easier for people to speak out and seek help.

Am I a Success?

Rebekah talks about mental health and how we define success.

- Rebekah

Success can be a difficult thing to define, and many people view it in different ways. Growing up, I had a very categoric view of success, and it had all to do with my results, from academia to sport to music. These were results that you could clearly see on the paper, and in my mind, this meant an indication of achievement. Unfortunately, at times I was so set on my pursuit for this type of success that it came at the expense of my physical and mental health. Take my GCSEs in 2014; I achieved a myriad of A and A* grades, but I was also ill for the entirety of the exam period due to stress, plus for 6 months afterwards. My mental health also suffered, as this was the time that I started to experience episodes of depression and then that summer I began a decline into anorexia. Therefore, were my GCSEs really that successful?

The other problem with basing your success on these kinds of results is that it can become so easy to fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. Due to my family’s love for sport and our many years of competitions, many of our family friends are also very similar. When going around the dinner table, I can often be left feeling a bit inadequate, as someone will have been at the National Cross Country Champs last weekend, or someone else will be preparing to head off to an international competition. Even at family gatherings, where I am surrounded by more ‘normal’ people, my brother (who is a national and international level cyclist) will be asked all about his cycling, and when my grandparents or cousins turn to me there is not that same standout thing to ask me about. These things are easy to talk about, the obvious signs of achievement. And don’t get me wrong, they are without a doubt impressive and worthy accomplishments that shouldn’t go unnoticed. I am incredibly proud of my brother and his achievements in the cycling world, however sometimes this leads me to feel like the inadequate sibling, the unimpressive family member.

Ultimately, there are so many different kinds of success and so many different ways to measure it. Everyone is different, with different interests and different goals in life. My own achievements in life are different to those of people around me, and some of them can’t be printed on paper like an exam or competition result can, but that doesn’t make them any less remarkable. I am a daughter, sister, friend. I have talents in music, writing, and cooking. I have friends who chose me because I am me and that is good enough. And I’m fighting my own battles with mental illness every day, defying my thoughts every time they tell me to give up and give in. So if like me, you’ve ever felt that you are have been unsuccessful or a failure in any way, then this post is for you to remind you that firstly, you are not alone, and secondly, that you are incredible just for being you and doing your best.

I'm Rebekah, studying French and History at the University of Nottingham. I've had my own struggles with my mental health over the years, but hope to use my experiences to hopefully help others going through similar situations. However, my mental health does not define me, and I'm also a keen baker, traveller, and dog-lover. I also write my own blog at https://thecloudsdontownthesky.wordpress.com/ and tweet at @rebekahdussek.