Chloe writes about how she and her boyfriend overcame her past of anorexia as she entered recovery with his trust and loyalty.
- Chloe Murray
My boyfriend is the most amazing person in the world. He's kind, loyal,
trustworthy and understanding. I know I can tell him anything and trust that he
will give the best advice or reassurance. His name is Elliot, and he has helped
me in so many ways, yet he doesn't even realise.
I opened up to Elliot about my past with anorexia shortly after we
starting seeing each other. At the time, I was still struggling with eating and
my feelings. I felt guilty after food and I exercised because I had to, not
because I wanted to. I was healthy physically, but not mentally. I figured
Elliot would see through my picky eating habits and guess something wasn't
quite right, so I told him before he did. Like a lot of people do, I was
worried he'd judge me because of it. I didn't want to grow any more attached to
him, only for Elliot to find out that I was a recovering anorexic to be a huge
deal breaker. I was protecting myself more than anything, despite finding it
extremely difficult to talk about my past. It was the first time I had talked
about my eating disorder, apart from during my hospital stays.
To my surprise, Elliot didn't bat an eyelid when he found out. To him,
it wasn't a big deal, he loved me none the less and thankfully he didn't ask
difficult questions either. He was just so very understanding, and it didn't
change anything between us like I feared it would. He didn't judge me at all,
but I could sense his support. He'd always make sure I was happy with what he
was cooking, asked me how I was and held my hand when he saw that I was
struggling.
Elliot made things easier. Overtime, I became more comfortable opening
up to him. He could read me like a book. There'd be nights when I couldn't
sleep because I felt guilty or fat, and he'd always say something to comfort me
and make everything better. Sometimes, all I needed to know was that he was on
my side and that he loved me, something that anorexia tried to convince me
wasn't possible - making me feel as though I was "too fat to be
loved". But overtime, I realised that Elliot really did love me, and he
chose to, not like family who have to. That made a big difference in my
recovery, as I began to learn to love myself and look after myself. I began to
enjoy exercising again and my diet began to vary. I started enjoying meals out
instead of panicking beforehand. I had more energy and I was happier!
Having someone there for you is so extremely important - knowing you are
loved and that you matter. We all need someone to turn to for help and
guidance. I now believe that I am no long recovering from anorexia - I am
recovered. I am no longer controlled by silly rituals, numbers, weights and
boring routines. Through not just Elliot, but all my family and friends who
have supported me, I can proudly say, I am free - I am no longer anorexia, I am
just me!
No comments:
Post a Comment